Happier days this weekend.
Went to visit my brother in one of the remotest parts of England. Drove to teeny tiny village to see THE. BEST. FIREWORKS.! Unbelievable stuff - mahoosive fireworks - the sound of them echoed off the hills around - sounded like machine gune fire and mortars! They were so big and we were so close that it looked like we were inside them. Ironically the adults enjoyed the experience far more than the kids - we oohed and aahed and drank homemade soup and stomped our frostbitten toes, while the kids watched and said 'yeah they were good'.
Apparently they have such an amazing display as one of the guys in the village works for a fireworks company and gets them cheap once the 5th November has passed.
Set off for home early in the morning as child number 2 had a party to go to - the parents have hired a stretch Hummer to take 15 6 year olds to the cinema. A.Stretch. Hummer. Excess isn't in it. It does 2 miles to the gallon. Contemplated not letting him go in it on principle, then decided I would be derided for ever more by the other parents, and gave in. What price principle? Parents derison apparently.
On the plus side, it snowed as we were driving back - beautifully draped snow over the hills. Even the kids loved it. No snow on the road at all until we got to the sign saying 'Welcome to X'. The gritter turns around at the sign. No matter - the 3 hairpin bends were hairy but fun.
Snuggled up beside a warm fire now whilst son number 1 enjoys peace and quiet without his brother. I shall knit for a bit I think now. It is appropriate when sat beside an open fire to knit. And drink coffee. And maybe to smoke a pipe while I think about it.
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Friday, 19 November 2010
A meh day, leading to yet more introspection
Today I'm on the whole, meh.
Day started with me missing a date to file witness statements. Innocent enough, and easily rectified, but led to me questioning my entire existence (again) . My gran would have blamed it on the change in season.
Lots of clients demanding and demanding. Always, it's the ones who have no urgency. The clients who are truly deserving are the ones who 'don't like to bother you'. The ones whose husbands raped them repeatedly over a number of years don't like to ask for anything. The ones who kicked their husbands out and just want them out of their lives for good because they've moved on are the shouty complaining ones (and don't want to know that their letter got bumped for an urgent injunction).
Inherently, I'm not good at my job. Today I'm not anyway. Tomorrow I might have convinced myself I'm adequate. I have difficulty biting my tongue, both with clients and lawyers. Rather unfortunately my face shows my emotions all too clearly, whatever I do to push my expression into one of rapt attention.
This is why I liked criminal law. I liked being able to tell clients to sit the fuck down, stop spitting, listen, and no - you're not getting bail. It was all out there - no pretending, no bullshit, no social work speak. I liked my clients, and they liked me. I struggle with the endless meetings, and reports and multi-agency rapport of family law. It usually achieves little, and frustrates the hell out of clients. And me. If this government really wanted to save money, it needs to start with how appalling are the current state of Child Services in this country. But I will save that for another rant - it deserves concentrated ire.
Most of my morbid introspection is that I quite simply can't cope with other people's emotions. Not entirely. Why can I cope with a 12 year old telling me that he smashes windows and drinks because nobody cares about him? That the staff in the privately run 'care' home he is in report him to the police every time he smashes a mug in sheer frustration? That if he is released from police custody at 3am, he will have to walk 5 miles home by himself because his parents are pissed and don't give a shit?
Maybe it's because I'm seeing the other side now - I'm dealing with the parents of that kid arguing that the kids should stay with their incompetent parent, and the bitchy women who just want the ex out of their lives even if it means their kids never see their dad.
As for Children in Need tonight? I can't watch it - the celebrities touting their new single or TV series to promote child welfare? All the money in the world won't make a kid feel wanted by its parents.
In the end, I'm in the wrong job. If I didn't do this job, nothing would happen. I'm arrogant and naive enough to still want to make a difference.
This blog was meant to be a way of me exorcising my rants so that family and friends weren't constantly subjected to my raging about the state of the world. I am slightly concerned that all it is doing is creating new improved rants. Maybe I need to join with society and not give a shit - put my blinkers firmly on and go partying every weekend. They seem pretty happy. Why aren't I?
Mind, we haven't even started on my personal life, which is both immensely complicated to me and boring to anyone else. I do yearn for some simplicity and control over it. Men appear to dominate it - 2 sons, an irritating ex and my current beau. Well, apart from my matriarchal mother. Maybe I will only get simplicity when the kids have left home, and I can finally live the life of a hermit. Never mind winning the lottery, solitude would do me fine.
Day started with me missing a date to file witness statements. Innocent enough, and easily rectified, but led to me questioning my entire existence (again) . My gran would have blamed it on the change in season.
Lots of clients demanding and demanding. Always, it's the ones who have no urgency. The clients who are truly deserving are the ones who 'don't like to bother you'. The ones whose husbands raped them repeatedly over a number of years don't like to ask for anything. The ones who kicked their husbands out and just want them out of their lives for good because they've moved on are the shouty complaining ones (and don't want to know that their letter got bumped for an urgent injunction).
Inherently, I'm not good at my job. Today I'm not anyway. Tomorrow I might have convinced myself I'm adequate. I have difficulty biting my tongue, both with clients and lawyers. Rather unfortunately my face shows my emotions all too clearly, whatever I do to push my expression into one of rapt attention.
This is why I liked criminal law. I liked being able to tell clients to sit the fuck down, stop spitting, listen, and no - you're not getting bail. It was all out there - no pretending, no bullshit, no social work speak. I liked my clients, and they liked me. I struggle with the endless meetings, and reports and multi-agency rapport of family law. It usually achieves little, and frustrates the hell out of clients. And me. If this government really wanted to save money, it needs to start with how appalling are the current state of Child Services in this country. But I will save that for another rant - it deserves concentrated ire.
Most of my morbid introspection is that I quite simply can't cope with other people's emotions. Not entirely. Why can I cope with a 12 year old telling me that he smashes windows and drinks because nobody cares about him? That the staff in the privately run 'care' home he is in report him to the police every time he smashes a mug in sheer frustration? That if he is released from police custody at 3am, he will have to walk 5 miles home by himself because his parents are pissed and don't give a shit?
Maybe it's because I'm seeing the other side now - I'm dealing with the parents of that kid arguing that the kids should stay with their incompetent parent, and the bitchy women who just want the ex out of their lives even if it means their kids never see their dad.
As for Children in Need tonight? I can't watch it - the celebrities touting their new single or TV series to promote child welfare? All the money in the world won't make a kid feel wanted by its parents.
In the end, I'm in the wrong job. If I didn't do this job, nothing would happen. I'm arrogant and naive enough to still want to make a difference.
This blog was meant to be a way of me exorcising my rants so that family and friends weren't constantly subjected to my raging about the state of the world. I am slightly concerned that all it is doing is creating new improved rants. Maybe I need to join with society and not give a shit - put my blinkers firmly on and go partying every weekend. They seem pretty happy. Why aren't I?
Mind, we haven't even started on my personal life, which is both immensely complicated to me and boring to anyone else. I do yearn for some simplicity and control over it. Men appear to dominate it - 2 sons, an irritating ex and my current beau. Well, apart from my matriarchal mother. Maybe I will only get simplicity when the kids have left home, and I can finally live the life of a hermit. Never mind winning the lottery, solitude would do me fine.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
On Increased Marginalisation From Society
This is my first ever blog. Please be gentle. On the other hand maybe no-one will read it. I don't mind - I just need an outlet that doesn't make my family and friends run for the hills screaming SHUT UP!
Now today's blog has 2 edges: my self imposed marginalisation, and the inane Legal Aid cuts announced yesterday by Mr 'I'm-the-Churchill-dog-understudy' Ken Clarke. One impacts on the other, and not in a good way.
This gentle, caring unelected government has announced that Legal Aid will be cut from those most in need. This includes debt, employment, welfare benefits, education and most of family law (including divorce and contact). In effect this means if you lose your well paid job and then try to claim benefits, can't keep up with your loan repayments, fall behind in your rent/mortgage, and your wife/husband leaves you for the fitness instructor, then it's all up to you to do something about it. Ken doesn't care if you're depressed/suicidal/disabled about it.
Given my job (solicitor for a social welfare charity), I am appalled and astounded by the deep tendon cuts that have been announced. I immediately search the media for equally appalled articles and editorials. Apart from the Guardian (which marvellously and intelligently covers every aspect), the media quite simply just. don't. care.
Why? Because insiduously (yes, yes I can't spell it, but I am 3 glasses in ) the media has relentlessly portrayed Legal Aid and its solicitors as fat cats on the inimitable gravy train. And it has worked. The 'general public' genuinely think that they will never need Legal Aid because it is for the scum of society who quite frankly don't deserve any rights. They got themselves into their mess, and they ought to get themselves out.
When did compassion and caring stop? Am I the archetypal softie leftie liberal? Am I wrong to think that those who have been lucky enough in society to have had a caring family, a good education, a good job and people who love us should lend a hand to those who haven't? When did we start stomping on those who haven't ever had a chance to have what we do?
This is where my self-imposed marginalisation starts - I don't WANT to be part of that society. I don't WANT to aspire to want and desire and need at the expense of others. And if I am wrong to not want that, then I will self marginalise. Rather ironically just like those that Ken and the rest of his ConDemNation wish to pretend don't exist.
Now today's blog has 2 edges: my self imposed marginalisation, and the inane Legal Aid cuts announced yesterday by Mr 'I'm-the-Churchill-dog-understudy' Ken Clarke. One impacts on the other, and not in a good way.
This gentle, caring unelected government has announced that Legal Aid will be cut from those most in need. This includes debt, employment, welfare benefits, education and most of family law (including divorce and contact). In effect this means if you lose your well paid job and then try to claim benefits, can't keep up with your loan repayments, fall behind in your rent/mortgage, and your wife/husband leaves you for the fitness instructor, then it's all up to you to do something about it. Ken doesn't care if you're depressed/suicidal/disabled about it.
Given my job (solicitor for a social welfare charity), I am appalled and astounded by the deep tendon cuts that have been announced. I immediately search the media for equally appalled articles and editorials. Apart from the Guardian (which marvellously and intelligently covers every aspect), the media quite simply just. don't. care.
Why? Because insiduously (yes, yes I can't spell it, but I am 3 glasses in ) the media has relentlessly portrayed Legal Aid and its solicitors as fat cats on the inimitable gravy train. And it has worked. The 'general public' genuinely think that they will never need Legal Aid because it is for the scum of society who quite frankly don't deserve any rights. They got themselves into their mess, and they ought to get themselves out.
When did compassion and caring stop? Am I the archetypal softie leftie liberal? Am I wrong to think that those who have been lucky enough in society to have had a caring family, a good education, a good job and people who love us should lend a hand to those who haven't? When did we start stomping on those who haven't ever had a chance to have what we do?
This is where my self-imposed marginalisation starts - I don't WANT to be part of that society. I don't WANT to aspire to want and desire and need at the expense of others. And if I am wrong to not want that, then I will self marginalise. Rather ironically just like those that Ken and the rest of his ConDemNation wish to pretend don't exist.
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